Today, instead of doing something productive, I decided to go back through my old manuscripts (all of which are unfinished, to my devastation) (and perhaps yours as well). I do this at least a few times a year, and without fail, I always find elements that have carried over into the books that actually got published.

In a weird way, it feels like I’m plagiarizing myself, or stealing from other characters who will never see the light of day the way I originally wrote them: Ana and Max, Leigh and Cary, Claire and Marcus. And see? I stole Claire for my novelette, A Risk Worth Taking! I used the name Marcus for Eli’s dad in The Ex Vows. I have an abandoned story called BUS CRUSH where the whole plot of the 9500 words I wrote before giving up was, you guessed it, the main character, Mara, making contact with her bus crush—

Who happened to be named Theo. And that Theo isn’t anything like our Theo Spencer, but clearly I loved the name enough to ensure it lived on in perpetuity. And do you know where Mara worked?

Yep. A travel start-up called Where To Next. 🎶I think I’ve seen this film before (but we did like the ending)🎶

I also, in an early nod to my future legacy, mentioned Theo’s thighs:

Ana and Max’s story, which comes in at a whopping 5900 words (lol I am SUCH a quitter), is interesting, because it weaves in with The Ex Vows lore, but also has its hooks in You, with a View. Before I wrote TEV, I wrote a version of Georgia and Eli’s story (a VERY different version) that ultimately died in the query trenches in 2021. But before THAT, in 2020, I wrote another version of them (wildly different from the 2021 version, my god we are getting so deep in the trenches here) where Georgia had a friend named Ana and Jamie had a brother named Max. Behold:

Ana and Max were going to be the second book in (I guess?) a series connected to Georgia and Eli. But then I had to rewrite their story to get it query-ready and Ana was sacrificed to the Kill Your Darlings gods, so you were fated to never meet her. Sorry, girl 😭

Max might feel a little familiar, though—those deep blue eyes, the intense personality, that heavy attention that feels like an X-ray? All very much Theo Spencer hallmarks that I plunked into You, with a View.

An additional YWAV tie is that the third book in this so-called Georgia and Eli series was going to be between one of Eli’s sisters and his friend, because I am nothing if not a slut for the brother’s best friend trope. While that (obviously) died when Georgia and Eli’s story changed in 2021, and then AGAIN when I completely reimagined them for TEV, I did bring a little piece of it with me via Cary’s last name. I’m sure Shepard rings a bell, right?

(Also let’s pause to appreciate Cary’s obvious hotness. In my notes about him at the time, I said he was “a cinnamon roll who fucks.” RIP, Cary.)

The funniest thing about all of this is, I’m never consciously aware of stealing from myself. I didn’t dig through my old manuscripts, muttering “what can I take here” and scuttle into the night. Part of it is probably my ADHD; I remember nothing. But I also think there are a million versions of all of these people—ones I’ve written, ones I haven’t put to paper yet, ones I probably can’t even imagine in this moment—living inside my brain, and the things that speak to me most float to the surface on their own, waiting to be grabbed. I love the idea of invisible strings in general, how they tie us all together, and so of course I love that my own fictional universe is full of people and moments and things that are tied to one another like that, too.

I’m also comforted by the idea that some part of me, deep down, knows what elements to pluck out of that universe and put into a book. The last year of my writing career has been filled with deep suspicion toward my own instincts, a ton of writer’s block and, I’m just going to be super honest, like a million tears. Like, so many. I don’t want to think about the number of people in my city who’ve seen me driving down the road singing tearfully along to “this is me trying.” I’ve wondered a lot if I have another story in me. Maybe the books I’ve written are the only ones I was meant to. Maybe there’s nothing else to mine from in the little brain cells knocking around in my skull.

But revisiting these old manuscripts today really reminded me that I do have a universe inside of me, and that universes are by nature infinite. There are little strings that will weave themselves out of the stories I’ve cried over because I couldn’t finish them so they can create something I can’t even really fathom right now. But my universe knows, and even though I’m DEATHLY AFRAID OF SPACE (like, I can’t even go into planetariums), I’m grateful for my own version of it.

But seriously, please do not ever talk to me about the literal universe. Even talking about it right now is legit making me spiral.

A COUPLE THINGS BEFORE YOU GO.

On February 5th I’ll be in conversation with Tessa Bailey (pinch me) to discuss her new book, Dream Girl Drama!! If you’re in the area, come hang out with us!

There are a few other books that come out in February that you HAVE to add to your TBR if you haven’t already:

• The Love Lyric by Kristina Forest. I just got my grubby hands on the audiobook of this and cannot wait to devour it. Kristina truly NEVER misses. Comes out February 4th.

• First-Time Caller by B.K. Borison. I mean, B.K. sees into my soul and then puts it to paper. I actually find her ability to write perfect books terrifying. When I think about people I’m honored to live in the same timeline as, she’s on that list, and this book is one of the reasons why. Comes out February 11th.

• You Between the Lines by Katie Naymon, a debut that is so phenomenally good that maybe Katie should be in jail???? That level of talent has to be illegal in some states, right? Comes out February 18th.

Also, something crazy as hell happened on December 30th where an absolute SHIT TON of you bought A Risk Worth Taking and I don’t know who to thank for that other than all of you, so THANK YOU!! It’s hovering at a sales milestone I didn’t even think was possible. You, with a View also recently hit a major milestone that I didn’t get to celebrate with you, and The Ex Vows is hovering at the precipice of one, and I just find myself feeling an immense amount of gratitude for anyone who has ever invested precious dollars, time, and effort into my work. I guess this also proves that my lack of social media presence is NOT harming me, haha. If anything it seems to be helping? Should I be insulted?

Speaking of my online presence, I’ll be back here next month with a small update, but if you’re looking to get in touch with me otherwise or elsewhere, you can contact me via my website (I love getting emails from you all) or follow me on Bluesky, though I am very rarely there! I have no plans to return to Instagram/Threads.

One final note: things are really scary and hard and dark right now, and likely will be for the foreseeable future given the U.S.’s new administration. I wish I had the appropriate amount or type of words to describe my feelings, but for now I’m siphoning all that wordless emotion into trying to find measurable ways to help, especially within my direct community. I hope that you’re all taking good care of yourself when and how you can.

okay love you, xoxo

jess